Wires, a Foot and Poop

I think I had a break through moment today. All this time I think I've held myself in check loving Rachel. I have found I was loving her from arms length because I was afraid of all the things that could go wrong. Today, I actually allowed myself the pleasure of just enjoying her. I didn't have anything pressing to worry about. She no longer has to gain weight for her surgery, have surgery or even poop. She's done all the major things that she needed to do. Now all there is is feeding and I know she will eventually get the hang of that. Without all that worrying hanging over my head I had fun with her today. What a concept! I laughed at her little stretchy movements and her attempts to evade me changing her. I was absolutely amazed at how long she held my gaze today when she was awake and my heart about burst with love as I laid her on my chest to sleep with her arms splayed out. I can't wait until she is big enough to give me a hug with those chubby little arms.

I changed her diaper before I left today and I had a big surprise in the form of lots of poop! Totally took me off guard. I was sitting there struggling with her legs in one hand, trying to keep her wires out of her poop with the other hand while wiping her butt. Well, she pulled her leg out and set her left heel in to the poop instead! UGH! So gross, but I couldn't help but laugh. All this time I couldn't wait for her to poop and now it seems I am not ready for it. I had to call over the nurse to rescue me!

I will try and remember to get pictures of her tomorrow. She is 5.5 pounds and just about ready to stop wearing her preemie clothes. I think she will be out of them by the end of the weekend so I need just a couple more pictures of our sweet girl in her littlest clothes. After that, I will be ready to move on and see her in her "big girl" newborn clothes!