First Days

Yesterday was my first day ALONE with both kids. Needless to say, I was really nervous. But, surprisingly, things went really well. Today was a little more shaky though. Rachel woke up in a whiny mood and it pretty much lasted all day. Because it's just me here, she felt the brunt of having to share her mama with this new crying thing that has entered her life. I get a little emotional when I look at things from her perspective. Everyone keeps telling me it's going to get better. I really hope so. It's hard to see my little girl not her smiley self.

"I'm not sure about his noises."

One of the things that hasn't happened, that I thought would, was a change in her sleeping habits. Normally when something new happens that takes her out of her routine, she has a hard time falling asleep and it can mess with her naps and even bedtime. That has not happened and she is providing me with a 1.5 to 3 hour break during the day. It gives me a chance to clean up around the house, take a nap while snuggling with Charlie and eat lunch. I am VERY thankful for that. I have found that most of the time that Rachel is awake it requires me to make sure she isn't going to hurt Charlie. She can be nice when she wants but sometimes she'll just smack at him. I think she does it because she knows it will get my attention. I try to really verbally reward her when she is nice though.

Pout face...right before the tears start

As far as Charlie goes, he's growing right before my eyes. Each day he's different and becoming more aware of things around him. He's staying awake more and just seems so interested in anything I have to say to him. Because Rachel is our first and only child, I keep thinking that he'll follow the same path as her as far as development goes. I keep thinking it will be a couple months before he smiles, over a year before he's done with bottles, over a year before he walks. But then I have to remind myself that he is going to move along much faster. That I really do need to stop and watch him grow because I won't have the luxury of time with him.

A Birth, Guilt and Breastfeeding Blues

Charlie came into this world just as my pregnancy was with him...completely uneventful. The C-section went smooth and he was pulled out into this world screaming what I think would have been swear words if he could talk.

He's yawning here...not screaming :)

We are now a little over one week into having our baby boy home and the emotions I have had towards this change have been overwhelming at times. When people as me how we are doing, I kind of get the feeling they expect me to say "great!" when it's the exact opposite a lot of the time. Charlie is a good baby as far as one week old's go. He cries when he's hungry, when he's wet, when he wants to be held. If we only had Charlie, and not Rachel, I would be fine that he has his days and nights mixed up. Things would be pretty relaxed. But having Rachel too. That is the hard part. I can tell now that she is starting to not like having him around. She is seeing that we can't always be right there for her when she wants us and that kills me. It's always just been me and her since Stephen works. She's my girl. Not being able to spend the time with her that I want to hurts my heart.

I've also been breastfeeding. Charlie picked up on it right away. There were no latch issues or suck issues. But he isn't speedy. It can take up to two hours for him to finish. That is not something I can deal with, especially when I am on my own next week. I've been battling these last couple days on what to do. I feel tremendous guilt thinking about stopping but at the same time, I can't be out of commission for two hours. That only takes away more time from Rachel and it isn't fair.  So, I've decided to stop. Well, at least mostly stop. I think I will try and hang on to one or two feedings a day but the rest will be formula. I have to say it was nice to be able to have Stephen feed him while I finished dinner and we were all able to sit around the table and eat as a family again. Sometimes you have to choose what is best for your family even if everything you read tells you that you are giving up the "best" thing.

Our Little Boy

was born August 12, 2011 at 7:36 a.m.. He was 8 pounds, 20 inches and just perfect. We've only been home 2 days now and it's been chaotic but I wanted to share him with you. Our son, Charlie.

First Ponytail!

5 Days

Yep, in 5 days we will meet our little boy. Everything has taken much longer as far as planning for him, decorating the room and even naming him. But, I think we are finally ready. Well, as ready as you can be when you are expecting a baby! Here are pictures of his room. While he won't be spending much time in there the first month or so, it's nice to know it's completed and I won't have to find the time, with two kids, to finish it. Who needs that stress?! :)

We bought this rocker for $30 on craigslist. Stephen refinished it and painted it black and a lady from our local Ds group recovered the cushions for it!

Here are a couple pictures of Rachel's mini room makeover. It includes a new rug, a new pillow and the decals on the walls.

It's hard to see but there are pistachio colored spirals too....

And of course, I have to leave you with some cute pics of our girl. She makes my heart smile.

Our Little Fish

Foggy lens...but still a cute pic

Rachel's been taking "swim lessons" with Stephen on Saturday mornings this summer. She has really enjoyed them and I think Stephen has too. I finally got my act together and went with them this morning to get some pics. I figured I would be busy, you know, laying in a hospital bed with a baby when her last class is being done. :)

She Made It!

A while ago, I submitted this photo of Rachel to be considered for the NDSS Times Square Video. (Here's a link to last years video)

And I just received an email saying she made the cut! Her photo will be displayed along with 200 other photos in Times Square on September 24th to kick-off National Down Syndrome Awareness Month (October). I am so excited that our beautiful Rachel girl will be up on a big screen in Times Square. I just wish I could be able to be there to see it!