August 23, 2011

A Birth, Guilt and Breastfeeding Blues

Charlie came into this world just as my pregnancy was with him...completely uneventful. The C-section went smooth and he was pulled out into this world screaming what I think would have been swear words if he could talk.
He's yawning here...not screaming :)

We are now a little over one week into having our baby boy home and the emotions I have had towards this change have been overwhelming at times. When people as me how we are doing, I kind of get the feeling they expect me to say "great!" when it's the exact opposite a lot of the time. Charlie is a good baby as far as one week old's go. He cries when he's hungry, when he's wet, when he wants to be held. If we only had Charlie, and not Rachel, I would be fine that he has his days and nights mixed up. Things would be pretty relaxed. But having Rachel too. That is the hard part. I can tell now that she is starting to not like having him around. She is seeing that we can't always be right there for her when she wants us and that kills me. It's always just been me and her since Stephen works. She's my girl. Not being able to spend the time with her that I want to hurts my heart.

I've also been breastfeeding. Charlie picked up on it right away. There were no latch issues or suck issues. But he isn't speedy. It can take up to two hours for him to finish. That is not something I can deal with, especially when I am on my own next week. I've been battling these last couple days on what to do. I feel tremendous guilt thinking about stopping but at the same time, I can't be out of commission for two hours. That only takes away more time from Rachel and it isn't fair.  So, I've decided to stop. Well, at least mostly stop. I think I will try and hang on to one or two feedings a day but the rest will be formula. I have to say it was nice to be able to have Stephen feed him while I finished dinner and we were all able to sit around the table and eat as a family again. Sometimes you have to choose what is best for your family even if everything you read tells you that you are giving up the "best" thing.


  1. Hang in there! It gets better!

    Mom of 2....14 months apart. They are now 13 & 14 and the best of friends!

  2. Mags...hang in there, it'll all be worth it when both kiddos get use to each other. And as far as the breastfeeding...good for you to make the've got to do what's best for you and your family, and little Charlie will be just fine and maybe can bond a lot more w/Stephen too!! And maybe you can get more sleep since Stephen can help out w/the feedings!! Hang in's not all fun and games, but eventually this too will pass! Hugs to everyone, and if you need or want to talk, CALL ME!!

  3. Something that helped me when I had troubles breastfeeding my son was reminding myself that this decision is what was best for my family. Giving a child formula is not "wrong", it may be right for your family and that makes it the best decision.

  4. congratulations on your new baby boy

    please don't feel bad about how you are feeding the baby - he will be fine and you are right to know that you need time with your sweet girl!

    just want to say my six children were bottle fed and grew up very healthy-they are in their 30's and 40's now.
    i have three grand babies who are being bottle fed and they are thriving well.
    it is sad that some people can make others feel so bad about not breastfeeding.
    there are many reasons for not breastfeeding and nobody should have to feel guilt about it.
    you are very smart to know that you have to do what works for your little family - it might not be the way someone else does things -
    having a new baby in the house is such a blessing but oh, a lot of work - so do things the way you need to do them so that everybody in your little family is happy!!

  5. hey need to do what's best for the family...if Charlie's taking 2 hours to nurse Lord only knows what havoc Rachel will wreak on the house in that time! He's going to be fine...don't feel have a long road of motherhood ahead of you..ha!
    Shoot me a message if you need to vent or anything...I'm here...I promise it gets easier...I really think it takes about a month or 2 to get into a groove

  6. I found the transition from 1 to 2 to be the hardest. Hang in there!

  7. I want to send you big hugs Maggie! I love your honesty. I am very proud of you for making the HARD decision. I know it isn't easy, and Charlie and Rachel will honestly be better for it.

  8. I'm sure you've heard it before.. but IT GETS BETTER!!!
    I'm sure your situation is a lot different from mine, but somehow all mothers go through this stage...
    I hated breastfeeding and since I wasn't happy I just stopped doing it.. I can guarantee you my kids are just as happy...
    Good luck!
    Let me know if you need anything!
    Love always,


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