Charlie came into this world just as my pregnancy was with him...completely uneventful. The C-section went smooth and he was pulled out into this world screaming what I think would have been swear words if he could talk.
|He's yawning here...not screaming :)|
We are now a little over one week into having our baby boy home and the emotions I have had towards this change have been overwhelming at times. When people as me how we are doing, I kind of get the feeling they expect me to say "great!" when it's the exact opposite a lot of the time. Charlie is a good baby as far as one week old's go. He cries when he's hungry, when he's wet, when he wants to be held. If we only had Charlie, and not Rachel, I would be fine that he has his days and nights mixed up. Things would be pretty relaxed. But having Rachel too. That is the hard part. I can tell now that she is starting to not like having him around. She is seeing that we can't always be right there for her when she wants us and that kills me. It's always just been me and her since Stephen works. She's my girl. Not being able to spend the time with her that I want to hurts my heart.
I've also been breastfeeding. Charlie picked up on it right away. There were no latch issues or suck issues. But he isn't speedy. It can take up to two hours for him to finish. That is not something I can deal with, especially when I am on my own next week. I've been battling these last couple days on what to do. I feel tremendous guilt thinking about stopping but at the same time, I can't be out of commission for two hours. That only takes away more time from Rachel and it isn't fair. So, I've decided to stop. Well, at least mostly stop. I think I will try and hang on to one or two feedings a day but the rest will be formula. I have to say it was nice to be able to have Stephen feed him while I finished dinner and we were all able to sit around the table and eat as a family again. Sometimes you have to choose what is best for your family even if everything you read tells you that you are giving up the "best" thing.