January 24, 2010

A Rainy Sunday Confession

Already, I am having a hard time not comparing Rachel to other children. Baby pictures of large smiles and hands grasping at toys abound on Facebook, but Rachel is only barely smiling. My HEAD knows she won't be the same as my friend's babies but my HEART yearns for it. I am already scared because I know it will be hard for me to see my friends and their children and have Rachel right next to them. The diagnosis of Down syndrome right there, open for all to see, in my baby girl. Keeping Rachel here, at home, gives me a cocoon of false comfort. Alone, here in my house, she isn't slower, she isn't faulted and I don't have to face my fears. And let's be honest, they are my fears. She doesn't have any fear. She confronts everything head on and has since she was born. I guess I have a lot to learn from her. I also do not want my fear to keep those friends and their children away. I am so very lucky to have them in my life. It would break my heart, if my inability (at this moment) to accept Rachel's slower progress makes them feel like they cannot be around me.

I know there will always be days like this one where I battle myself over my feelings and my pride. I am sure there will be many posts in the future going over these same issues. But, I will not let myself beat me. If Rachel can face this world, a world that is going to be tougher on her than it ever was on me, then I can stand here beside her and support her and love her like she deserves from me. I cannot let my own issues affect her life when all she ever brings to mine is joy.

**** For developmental milestones for babies with Down syndrome click on the link to the left under Down syndrome information.

1 comment:

  1. Maybe because I had five typical kids first, I don't struggle comparing Eon to his typical peers. However, I am constantly comparing him to his peers with Ds. Ugh! The good news is that Eon is teaching us to celebrate all the inchstones that flew by with the other kids! I am savoring every minute.

    Rachel will continue to bring you great joy! Soon she will be belly laughing and chasing the dogs. :)


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