Dear Huntsville, Alabama...

Dear Huntsville, Alabama,

I am trying really hard to like you. It really wasn't easy leaving North Carolina for you so it would help if you tried a little. First off, why is the nearest Carter's and Oshkosh stores over 50 miles away? Don't you know I need my cute and cheep baby clothing fix? And why is there only ONE Krispy Kreme and it's nowhere near where we live? All I want right now is one of their melt-in-your mouth glazed donuts and I don't feel like driving in my non-AC working car through your 88 degree humid weather for 20 minutes to get one. Also, while we're at it, why is your customer service soooo horrible? I had a clerk roll her eyes at me because I didn't want to give her my email address. No one smiles at you or makes small talk or waves when you drive by. I may as well be up north again.

I am also sick and tired of your ants. NEVER have I ever been so disgusted with bugs. We've sprayed and caulked windows and set out traps and yet they keep coming. They found a way in through the electrical outlet. How do you beat that?? And I know we aren't the only ones having issues. Our neighbors have been fighting their ants for 10 years. They just now think they have them under control. After TEN YEARS!

I have gophers digging up my flowers.

I have people going 35 on a 55 MPH road.

I have neighborhood dogs that do not shut up.

So please Huntsville, please give me something. Like really good new friends. Or a freak frost that kills all the ants. Or a free trip to St. Lucia. I'm begging you. Just a little something.

Yours,
Maggie