Kid's Meals

NOT Rachel

Over this past week of traveling, I've figured out why a lot of moms tend to gain weight when they have kids. It's the kid's meals! They are humongous! Everywhere we went I would order a meal for myself and for Rachel and I really should have just got a meal for her and ate the rest of it. Not only would I have saved money, I would have saved my waist a TON of calories. You order a "kid sized" hamburger, for example, and it's not even close to being smaller. It's the same size as yours. AND the amount of french fries with the meal is mind blowing. Really, do you think a child needs a basket of fries for themselves?? Today, we stopped to eat at Shoney's on the way home from PA. I got Rachel a grilled cheese and green beans. I was thinking, "yeah, green beans will be good. Even if that is a huge portion it's still green beans." Ha! Guess what..the green beans were covered in bacon. BACON!!! BACON!!! I had to laugh. I think the most nutritious meal Rachel had at a restaurant was a breakfast burrito from Starbucks. Eggs, salsa and cheese in a wrap. She didn't eat the wrap. I did. Which leads me to another reason moms gain weight. Leftovers. I sit and pick at what Rachel leaves on the plate. I pick at what she is eating while I eat my meal. Something is wrong with this picture. I really need to take a step back and think is eating the small bite sized pieces off her plate attractive? I must look like a starving person. "Oh, look at that poor woman eating off her child's plate. She must be really poor and unable to have leftovers." It's time to put things in check. Christmas is coming and I'm not playing big ol' Santa!

Dreams

I am constantly amazed at life. At how life unfolds in ways you never imagined. All around me I see stories being told. Lives being changed. Like a fish you can be swimming along happily in calm waters and all of a sudden a storm moves in and changes your path. You may dive deeper in to the water, in to darkness and places you've never been before. It can be scary. Life is scary at times. Sometimes your heart feels crushed. A hand is squeezing your chest and you struggle to breath. All you wish for is that chance to gasp for air and you feel like it's never going to come. And then suddenly, or gradually, it happens. You are back at the surface. You can see the light above and you are getting closer to it. The rock that was sitting in your stomach is gone. The tears once pooling are no longer threatening to fall. I find myself day dreaming as I drive to and from my friends homes, to and from the grocery store. I put myself back to the days in the hospital before Rachel was born. I put myself back into those feelings. I felt so lost and hopeless. So afraid. I have found that in order to move forward, I need to look back. I need to re-live the terror, find my way through again and move forward. But it's not just my story I relive. I think of my friends and the hardships they have been through. I may not have met many of them in person, but that connection is still there. I still worry, I still grieve, I place myself in their shoes and I cry. I wonder why they have been chosen to live through the most difficult things that life can throw at you. And I wish that there was a way that I could take away their pain. But we all need to work through it. We all need to feel it. Take it in, let it take over and surrender to it. Someday, you'll swim to the surface again. Someday your heart will be lighter. Someday you will smile again...and mean it.

Meeting Santa

The Festival of Trees, benefiting Brenner Children's Hospital, was held this weekend in Winston-Salem. My friend, Priscilla, went with Rachel and me. Rachel napped on the way to Priscilla's house so she woke up ready to eat when we got there. We decided to go to Hams Restaurant for lunch.

This is the second time Rachel has ate at a restaurant in a big girl highchair and she's done great both times. I think that she just loves being in a new place with lots of people and things to look at. She loved her grilled cheese and we shared an "ice cream sundae." I put that in quotes because it was more like one of those little cups of ice cream you used to get in high school lunches. You know, the ones where you have to peel off the lid and eat it with a wooden spoon? Anyway, it was topped with whipped cream so I guess that made it a sundae in the eyes of that restaurant.

After lunch, we drove to the festival and Rachel took another little nap. I felt bad waking her up as I put her in her stroller. She really was fast asleep. The festival was loud and busy. Priscilla and I walked around and admired the trees and looked at the crafts that were for sale. Rachel was very good for the whole thing. Right before we left, Santa came back from feeding his reindeer and we were able to get Rachel's picture with him and Mrs. Claus. Rachel wasn't scared of Santa but she didn't care either way about him. She just wanted to talk with Mrs. Claus!

Don't you think Mr. and Mrs. Claus are looking a little tan coming from the North Pole?

Another Year Older

See my two bottom teeth?

Yep. My birthday is tomorrow. Last year, on my birthday, we spent a pretty sleepless night at the hospital with Rachel. The LAST night in the hospital in the NICU. Done. That next beautiful sunny morning on the 21st, we drove home as fast as we could (10 over the speed limit). I think we were afraid that if we drove too slow or even made a small stop, that the hospital would call and tell us that they made a mistake and that we needed to return Rachel to them. I think if they would have told us that we would have skipped out of town. My family waiting back home, who were in town to visit and didn't know that Rachel would be coming home that weekend (neither did we), would be left wondering what happened to us!

Time keeps moving along at a quick pace. Too many changes and many more to come. I sometimes wonder when we'll get a time to breath and just maybe get bored. The changes with Rachel have been the best out of everything. She's still a small little peanut but she acts likes she is a teenager sometimes. I'm telling you, you better get her her dinner A-SAP or she will yell at you like she's starving!

At our special play group play date, changes could also be seen. Little boys are growing up and lifting their heads like pros. Learning to steady themselves on their fannies and sit up straight. Rachel has no idea what she's in for once they start crawling.

There is so much more I want to talk about but I cannot at this time. There isn't anything life threatening going on so don't worry about us. I just can't wait until I can spill the beans and that is why I've been avoiding really writing anything on this blog. It's easier to avoid than to dance around stuff.

Postpartum Depression

PPD. It's one of those things that people don't talk about. But, I don't think anything will fully be understood until it is talked about. My friend, Courtney, has bravely put her feelings and battle with postpartum depression out into the open on her blog. I have asked her if it's ok for me to share her postings on my blog and she has agreed to it. She does not mince her words so if you are sensitive, then you probably shouldn't read her posts. I do think it's important to put her postings out in the open though. If you find yourself in some of her writing, do not be afraid to talk to someone about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of and there is help available.

Courtney's PPD Journey
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

More Updates

Rachel and I went to Brenner's yesterday to get the x-rays taken of her neck. To make sure she stayed still and straight, they had to strap her down to a board. Kind of like what a paramedic would do with a patient they think has a spinal cord injury. Rachel has been strapped down like that before and she HATED it. I thought for sure she would scream bloody murder again. Nope. She smiled at the technicians and just kept looking around the room. Never let out a peep. That's my girl! Dr. Chad called us personally Friday night and told us that her x-rays look normal. I'm happy for that but now we just kind of wait and see what happens with the head tilt. I hate "wait and see."

Rachel is moving along in her transition from formula to milk and after tomorrow she will be on all milk. Goodbye formula! Can't say I'll miss you or the money you suck out of our pockets. The Simply Thick has been working so great for Rachel. She hardly spits up anymore. Her constipation is also so much better because she no longer has the rice added formula. Right now, she is in great health. I just hope this continues through the holiday season.

I'm pretty excited for this Christmas. We will be able to go downstairs as a family and just enjoy the day. I'm so happy Rachel will really appreciate the tree and lights this year. She'll also be able to unwrap her own gifts. I know the wrapping paper will probably be the most exciting "gift" she gets as far as she's concerned. I have plans for us to go to the Festival of Trees this year too. I wanted to go last year but Rachel was just too little and we were just too tired! I hope Rachel will also get to experience snow. I'm not sure what she will think but I think it's important she gets to see and feel it.

Other than that, there have been some interesting events going on in the Fluck household. But, I'll keep you all in suspense for now. We haven't decided anything yet.

Rachel and The Red Shoe

"Hey, look what I found!"

"I wonder if it would fit..."

"Something isn't right here."

"Eh, I didn't want that old shoe anyway."

"So, Mom..."

"Can you buy me some new red shoes??"

Kneeling

Pulling to stand from sitting has been put on hold in Rachel's mind. She has found she can do just as much from her knees. She pulled this same trick when it came to crawling. Rachel had been rocking back and forth on her hands and knees, but as soon as she figured out that she could get to sitting from that position, any thought of crawling was put out of her mind. She is just now really putting forth the effort to crawl on her hands and knees and not just army crawl. So, I'm sure we'll revisit pulling to stand from sitting in a couple months when playing while on her knees no longer suits her. But, until then, she does look darn cute like this...

Reason # 652

For why I love Brenner Children's Hospital. The doctors don't look at you like you are crazy when you have concerns about your child. If it sounds concerning and you are concerned, they investigate it. I love our pediatrician(s), but sometimes I feel like they roll their eyes at me when I come in with Rachel. I know I'm over protective about her health but my motto with her has always and will probably always be "get it early before it becomes a huge issue that impedes her growth/development." That isn't very catchy, I know, but it's how I live.

going to a birthday party

Anyway, We had a follow-up with Rachel's geneticist, Dr. Chad, today (yes, he goes by Dr. Chad). He asked us questions about how Rachel is doing, how her reflux is doing and how she is progressing. I asked him about her head tilt. I told him how her ophthalmologist didn't see an issue with her eyes and how her PT checked her muscles and couldn't find any muscular reason for it, as far as maybe one side is tighter than the other. He said the next step would be to get an x-ray to make sure her bones were aligning correctly. Where do we go if that comes back ok (pray it does!)? Well, I don't know. Her head tilt worries me. There has to be a reason why she holds her head like that and I can't believe that it's because she wants to. She's only one and it's always been an issue. It's certainly not a phase that she is going through. Anyway, an x-ray will be set up soon and I'll report on how that goes.

rachel launching to give a "hug"

Rachel has been on the Simply Thick for a couple days now. It works pretty good. We had one full day of no spit up at all. It was amazing. She's spit up some recently and I think it has to do with two things. One, the Simply Thick has to be shaken into her formula which causes bubbles to become trapped in the formula. The bubbles can't rise because the formula now has the viscosity of glue so Rachel gets more gas. Two, we've started her on milk. She's only gotten it once a day but soon after drinking it she gets crabby and spitty-uppy. Her formula is lactose free. I think I'm going to get a lactose free milk to see if that helps. I'm also going to start giving her simethicone gas drops again. I thought we were done with those. Oh well. I guess if it helps I can't complain.

loungin' on the pillow

loungin' on the dog bed

In other news, Rachel has gained some weight and is now at 18 pounds. She also grew a huge 1/4 of an inch to be at 26 3/4. It took her 3 months to grow an inch. No wonder she was in her 6-9 months clothes forever!

She has been doing so fantastic with feeding herself and hasn't turned away from any of my "cooking." She is also getting into everything. We used to put a blanket down on the floor for her to play on but for the past couple of weeks she wants to be everywhere BUT on that blanket. It has been put away. Rachel will follow me if I go into the bathroom or if I step outside to get the mail, I have to be really careful when I open the door because she is usually right there waiting for me. She's also gotten into the dogs water bowl a couple of times to splash around in their water. I'm counting my blessings that she hasn't figured out how to open cupboard doors yet!

More Photos, OT Assessment and Food

special thanks to aunt melissa and uncle frank for this outfit :)

Halloween was a good day until I decided to do a "photo shoot" outside. Rachel seems to be really allergic to grass. Soon after coming inside her nose started to run, her eyes were watery and she was miserable. I didn't even know if she would make it trick or treating.

come off....

come off already!!!

alright, i give up and i'll just eat some of this grass...

But she did and we had fun. It was nice to be able to be out trick or treating again. Sometimes kids give you great excuses to do things you normally wouldn't be able to do as an adult.

Rachel had an assessment for OT today. It went well. I love the OT and it's looking good that she will be working with Rachel once a week. She's going to help us with fine motor skills and strengthening the muscles in her mouth and lips. We will also be upping Rachel's PT to once a week. So, she'll have PT, OT and EI therapy. Yep, she's my part time job.

We also finally got the Simply Thick and have started using it today. So far so good....no spit up! And, (insert drum roll here) I think we have moved into only finger foods. No more baby food! She will still get fed yogurt by me and maybe some fruit puree here and there but everything else she will feed to herself. It's been nice sharing meals with her. Today we had pancakes with syrup, grilled cheese and chicken fingers, sweet potato fries and green beans. Next on the list of things to do...switch over from formula to milk.